Ze Zmerican Zsychiatric Azzoziation

I came across this item here, and have the permission of the author to repost it. It is not my writing, but I find it amusing

Ze Zmerican Zsychiatric Azzoziation

Captain Drugs, Mr. Feelgood, touchy feely, Crapco, it slices, it dices... One size fits all, the ultimate snake oil, no prior test required, no medical history need be perused. submerge your problems in a chemical sea of tranquility. Is everybody happy? You betcha, money is made. No problem too big, no problem too small. The UNIVERSAL CURE! And you thought snake oil salesmen had it rough, and who brings you this wonderful panacea?

Ze Zmerican Zsychiatric Azzoziation.

Governments and companies will love this.

Any complaints, graft, corruption, nepotism... no problem... and you thought the old Soviet Union had the plan for political dissidents...

We now use their latest methods!

Hey kids, having a hard time dealing with the real world of medical school? Had a screwed up childhood? Want an easy out, no problem, you have a future making the really big bucks deciding, I mean deriding people's futures. Help your government today! If you can just say yes to putting away people wronged by:

Incompetent Bureaucrats...
Graft...
Corruption...
Nepotism...
Sexual Harassment...

You fill in the blank...

We even have a "bird-dog" program for public employees in major cities, referred to as an "Employee Assistance Program" to help these people "right out". A never ending supply of the disgruntled for you to "help". Who cares if they are right?

The hell with fixing the system, let's make money. Besides, there are dozens more behind that person, who could be in your office right now making you money; and if they don't like it, they are nuts anyway.

After all, they are guilty. As one bureaucrat was overheard saying, after this monster had threatened a man, his wife and his 4 year old with death, "... because we accuse you, you are guilty...". If you get one that isn't crazy, no problem, we got the drugs to get them there.

Guaranteed repeat business, you get the business, they get the business, the drug companies (pay off those research and payola dollars for moneymaking non-natural patentable toxic remedies) get the business, the FDA gets the business, and with the drugs everyone is happy.

See that patient over there? Just look at that stupor! and he used to cause trouble.

No more trouble there, and think of the money he generates for your cash-flow. Yep, just think of him, not as a patient, but rather, just one more annuity for your bank account, and you really didn't want to have to solve or look at his problems in real depth, of course not.

Who wants to listen to that?

That takes time and that is expensive, that would loose money! Next!

A couple of pills and voila, chemical lobotomy, and the employer is happy too. "God" bless you, you kept down costs, just think of the smile on the accountant's faces.

Who cares if you really didn't help him or if you prolonged natural life crises from months to years?

Can you say cash flow? You contributed to the economy! Don't bother your little head with the path of broken lives you leave behind you, you defended the corrupt from the weak, and you can even say you helped.

You do believe it, don't you? Of course you do, you want to, don't you, or should I say you have to, to keep going ... It's ok, don't look to close, that's good!

Yep, a truly burgeoning field with a future.

(Not offered in areas where morality still applies. Coming to a hospital or clinic near you.)

(This advertisement not paid for by Ze Zmerican Zychiatric Azzoziation.)

P.S. I have a fixzation on zzzzz'z, znore...