More Psych Jokes

Over drinks, one psychiatrist turned to the other and asked, "What was your most difficult case?"

"Once I had a patient who lived in a complete fantasy world," the second replied. "He actually believed he was Elvis's love child, and that he stood to inherit a fortune. For years he waited for a make-believe letter from a make-believe attorney. He never went out-- just sat around and waited."

"What was the result of treatment?"

"It was an eight-year struggle, but I finally cured him," the shrink said. "And then that stupid letter arrived."

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An older couple, both age 67, went to a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The psychiatrist looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $32. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the psychiatrist, then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32, and I get $28 back from Medicare.

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Reflections on the advancement of Medicine.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root, it will cure you.
1000 A.D. - That root is poison, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is pure superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

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The secretary in the mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a dancing teapot playing the children's song "I'm a Little Teapot." Seeing this, the clinic psychiatrist posted a message on the secretary's desk: "Your computer is suffering from an identity disorder."

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How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The staff have the keys!

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How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The inmates know who is really crazy.

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How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The Staff think that the electroshock machine isn't strong enough.

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How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The Staff gets to choose their own drugs.

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How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The Staff doesn't get the sedatives they deserve.

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How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients sometimes get better.