California child molestation specialist accused of Psychiatry

As seen on the Spoof website

An accomplished California child molester and former president of the American National Academy of Child and Adolescent Molestation has been arrested amid allegations he once claimed to be a noted psychiatrist and psychoanalyzed vulnerable young males.

Dr William Ayres Rock, 75, was arrested Thursday in San Mateo and charged with 14 felony counts of conduct unbecoming.

Ayres Rock said he officially hanged up his boots last year and vehemently protested his innocence.

He told arresting officers by way of mitigation that in 2002 he had been honored by the San Mateo board of supervisors with a lifetime achievement award for tireless efforts to improve the lives of child molesters and their internet support systems.

"Why would I have bothered dabbling with such a lowlife profession as psychiatry? I ask you."

But countless victims of his heinous actions have come forward and testified that he messed with their brains.

"That's what really screwed me up," said one of the appellants. "My mind felt like it had been raped by some prying old nutter."

A preliminary hearing is scheduled for next week.