Babies: 100% suffer from depression

As seen here, with a tip pf the hat to Alex Chernavsky

Rockville, Mary. -- A study conducted by researchers at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) reports that an overwhelming majority of 100 percent of all newborn infants display symptoms normally associated with clinical adult depression and in fact suffer from a medical condition known as Infant Depressive Disorder (IDD).

"A baby suffering from Infant Depressive Disorder will exhibit many of the same warning signs as depressed adults: frequent bouts of crying, weight gain, disrupted sleep patterns and so on," said Dr. James Redab, who headed up NICHD's three-year study. "Parents, do not dismiss your infant's behavior and assume that the little one is just tired or fussing. The infant without question requires immediate medication, psychotherapy and quite possibly electroconvulsive therapy. Your baby needs to get well."

Between July of 2000 and July of 2003, NICHD researchers examined an internationally representative sample of 11,000 infants, reporting that in all 11,000 cases the newborn exhibited various physical signs of depression - from irritability to difficulty making decisions to abrupt mood swings.

"As a parent, once you know the signs of IDD and know what to look for, it'll become very obvious to you that your baby has depression," said Redab. "And although it's a huge blow to come to the realization that your child has this serious of a medical condition at such a young age, you'll be relieved to finally know why your baby has been crying nonstop and just laying around, practically lifeless, for weeks if not months."

Redab, himself a father of two, expressed concern about the frequency in which IDD appears in children under the age of one.

Yes this is a bit of satire, worthy of the Onion