Psychiatrist Discovers New Planet, Blames Its Erratic Orbit On Chemical Imbalance

As seen on the Spoof website

While looking through the main telescope of the Winkenblinken Public Observatory last month, prominent psychiatrist A. Gorden Crumgranit discovered a previously unknown planet revolving around a nearby star. Astronomers have confirmed that the planet, tentatively named "Pfizer-Glaxo", had never been charted before. They say Dr. Crumgranit was looking through the telescope at just the right moment to see starlight reflecting off of it.

Since that time, more powerful telescopes at better known observatories have been aimed at the planet, and they have found that it seems to have a very unusual and irregular orbit. Most astronomers interviewed about the planet have said they believe that it's erratic orbit is probably a sign of another, yet undiscovered, nearby star or large planet exerting a countervailing gravitational pull on it.

Dr. Crumgranit, however, says he believes the eccentricity is a sign of a chemical imbalance deep beneath the planet's surface. He said he thought the planet may have a deficiency of lithium in the elements that make up it's core, or perhaps too much iron, or some wrongly located serotonin. "Whatever it is," he said, "it is definitely something inside the planet that is causing this anomalie. Planets just don't behave this way unless there's something wrong with them."

When reporters inquired about the source of the proposed name, Winkenblinken Director Matt Grunion said it was Dr. Crumgranit's suggestion. Apparently he wanted to name the planet after the employers of the drug company representatives who had been buying him expensive dinners at posh area restaurants every day that week. So far there have been no objections, and revised astronomical charts are expected to show planet Pfizer-Glaxo on them in the near future.